It's been a week but I'm still not tired of Melbourne. Yes, the weather is erratic. Yes, the shopping is horribly overpriced. Yes, the people can be extremely racist ('NI HAO!!!!"'). I'm guessing it's just the idea of being away, of being apart from everything you're used to. Of being able to put on anything you want without worrying about what those you know will say. Of being able to actually relax and listen to music without thinking about being late or meeting deadlines.

I guess it's also the idea that I can momentarily leave behind some of the less desirable issues. I say it's an idea because flying thousands of miles away doesn't actually do that, true escapism can only occur in the mind. However, being confrontational, aggressive and somewhat direct, I am not a fan of escapism. I remember talking about this to Lin and I guess in that sense, I'm somewhat like a boy. I'm playing up gender roles here because if you want to be all philosophical and obnoxious you can always say that traits that are ascribed to the different genders are all a social construct and just cos you're aggressive it doesn't mean you're like a boy cos being confrontational is not a 'masculine trait' blablabla. Anyway, I can be pretty oblivious and that's why I always tell my friends to tell me whenever they get offended or angry about something I say or do cos if they don't, I wouldn't think about their sudden mood change and try to link it to a particular action or utterance. Then if it continues pissing them off and they expect me to know then it's just going to build up and blow up one day.

It's pretty ironic because i'm aware of my ignorance. Nonetheless, I didn't realise I was that unaware until Lin told me some stuff what seemed like many nights ago. (Is it me or do you lose track of time when you're not in your normal setting? Also, all this talk about being unaware of my awareness is rather confusing.) We dubbed it çonfession night' and honestly, I am absolutely aghast. After the initial shock, I went into my usual aggressive, confrontational mode and sought tangible revenge, which was quite hard because like i said, i'm not a fan of escapism and so being thousands of miles away proved to be quite the challenge.

If i were to look back at the past two days, I'd see that I've learnt many things. People are complicated, people can be bitches and people can be unreliable. It's too often I see people verbally championing a particular value and what they perceive to be 'right' and then chicken out when it actually comes to tangible actions because of public perception and a lack of guts. It disgusts me to no end and I absolutely abhor it. These people are the worst kinds of hypocrites and unfortunately you only realise this after you try to rely on them. Unless they are actually people you want to have around, I'd say leave them be and just not help them next time they seek your assistance. You could also scoff and roll your eyes the next time you see/hear them talking about how 'doing this is wrong'.

Sigh. I think my period is coming, that's why í'm so angsty. Not that everything i've written above is untrue or not what i feel. Strange as it may seem, PMS is like being high for me: I become more uninhibited. Anyway, Lin and I are going to the cafes downstairs for a cuppa and then to the Pony bar tonight to watch a band she found so... adios amigos. Just remember,

YOU CAN ONLY RELY ON YOURSELF (and family).